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Monday, 12 October 2009

brokenness

so much brokenness in the world.
so much that we don't even know about ourselves.
God is so gentle with us.

here's a song that's been on my heart so heavily since yesterday. i didn't remember the lyrics so i just made up my own lyrics. and now i realize why it was so on my heart. it EXACTLY describes what i'm saying in my heart.

Beautiful by Kari Jobe

Here, before Your altar,
I am letting go of all I've held
Of every motive, every burden,
Everything that's of myself.
And I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are.

Beautiful, beautiful oh I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, beautiful oh Lord, You're beautiful to me

oh beautiful

Here in Your presence,
I am not afraid of brokenness
To wash Your feet with humble tears
Oh I would be poured out till nothing's left.
And I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are, who You are

Sunday, 19 April 2009

he's just not that into you

mannnnnnnn c-hop was SO GOOD tonight. truly felt like the BODY of Christ. praying over each other. and so much freedom.

FREEDOM
where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

God is good.
i just need to let go..........

on another note- i <3 cherry blossoms! soOOOOOOOooOO beautiful.

hahahahahaha i just got off the phone w/ ar and she told me about a book called "he's just not that into you".
if he ain't callin u (for WHATEVER reason he may make up- i'm busy, i've got so much on my mind, i have a sick mom i'm taking care of, i'm traveling, etc...) honey, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
this book seems hilarious. i can't wait to read it.
so for all u ladies out there constantly checkin ur phone for a text, a call, a message from him and u haven't hear from him in days: he's just not that into you.
(i had to change the title of this blog in honor of this hilarious yet true book)

good night!

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Easter!

i finished my fast on easter.
it was glorious!

meat is tastin maddddd funky to me these days. :(

i used to heart meat but now it's like... gross and smelly.

chicken is the best so far since it doesn't have a terrible smell but it still is the weirdest texture. hahahaha so weird. i used to LOVE meat.

anyways, God is good.
He definitely blessed me much during and through the fast.

I realized how good animal products are (such as egg and cheese). i missed cheese the MOST during my fast. i'm determined to have a slice of pizza with that burnt cheese soon!!! :) MAMA SANTAS sometime. :D

i'm madd busy these days.
if you're reading this- please pray for my tests comin up. please please pray.

thanks! that's all for now. will update later.

Monday, 16 February 2009

you won't relent until you have it all

retreat stuff... so much. sometimes i get lazy to write it all out and make it make sense. i'm not a good writer.

we had a prayer meeting the week of the retreat and here are the things we prayed for:
1. salvation
2. the kind of love that Paul had for his peeps- "I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race," Romans 9:2-3
3. to be in awe of God
4. for even those who have been saved/grown up in the church to have a renewed and refreshed perspective
5. small groups to be a blessing

at the end of the first night of the retreat, we had a prayer meeting and for some reason, Holy Spirit led me to pray for repentence, even though that totally was not my prayer request. I was actually concerned that I was a terrible small group leader and asked for prayers regarding leading sg's, but God is good. He leads where He wants to go.
The next morning's devotional was Psalm 51. I was amazed. The entire psalm is a psalm of repentence. I had NO IdeA that that was gonna be the devotional so i was very blessed that God heard my prayers.
The cry of my heart was that verses 16-17 would be the honest prayer of my heart before God that day.
"You do not delight in sacrifices, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
6. I was praying that my heart would be broken and contrite before God. (as i was praying, i was thinking more along the lines of broken over my own sins.)

so. those are the premises of the prayers. i have numbered them so that i can just go down the list and explain how they were answered.

1. AK accepted Christ the first night we were there! PRAISE GOD. Please pray for him.
4. many said that they came back to the heart of worship at the retreat. HALLELUJAHH
5. small groups were a blessing to everyone (esp to the younger ones in our fellowship)
6. & 2. the final night, i spoke with KW, the friend that i had brought to the retreat. he is a non-christian. as he and i were talking, i could literally SEE that he was blind. it was like a wall covering his eyes and his heart to God's amazing love. and everything he was saying- i KNEW (because we all know) that God is the ONLY answer. God is the only one that can satisfy his deepest longings and desires. i prayed with him and was asking God to intervene at every point in his life until he comes to know Christ. afterwards, i left him to pray on his own. but my heart was very troubled and i had to pray. so i sat down and the Holy Spirit began to pray and intercede. let me tell you i have NEVER been so broken over someone's lack of salvation. as i was still praying, they began to do the closing praise songs. they began to sing "When I think about the Lord" (look up the lyrics). I tried to sing, but as I thought about the lyrics, I just couldn't sing. I was soOOooo broken over the fact that, yes, i know this love. this amazing, incomparable love. this love that saved me. this love that is my hope and my salvation and the reason that i live and breathe and move. but there was someone in the room that had NO IDEA of this love. the only love that can save him. i was crying for him already, but as i thought about this, i began to weep uncontrollably. (this was definitely Holy Spirit) i couldn't even pray anymore. i was just groaning before the Lord. i cannot express to you or anyone my anguish. even as i write this, tears are welling up cuz i know this is the stark reality. as i was crying, HC asked me if i wanted to pray so i said yes and followed her out. as soon as we left the room, i just stated that i wanted so badly for him to believe. to believe and to be saved. and she reminded me of the prayers that we had prayed (2) at the prayer meeting. and we were both in awe of God (3). she prayed with me, and i was comforted that she was there with me. but it was still a very lonely place to be. i cannot explain to anyone nor can i give anyone the kind of sorrow that was in my heart that night. i didn't even know what to pray because i was so sad. all i could do was cry. it was a very lonely place, because i knew that noone understood the sorrow i had (except God). but i'm very thankful that God allowed me to understand His heart just a little more. i was very humbled that He chose to reveal to me the kind of sorrow He has over the people that reject Him. the reason for His sorrow is because of His great love for everyone and knowing the fact that He is THE ANSWER and the only thing that can satisfy but they can't see/accept Him. the only reason why I was able to experience this all was because God allowed it, so I thank God.
3.i was even more in awe of God when I realized that my offering to God that night was a broken spirt- a broken and contrite heart before God. It was a heart that God gave me, but it was not in the way that I had expected since I had expected to be broken over my sins.

so yea, God is amazing. He works in ways that we can never think or imagine. I am so very thankful. Praise the Lord.

alright. next update will be on Cleveland House of Prayer (hopefully)

Wednesday, 04 February 2009

God is good.

hallelujah~
God is good.
He answered so many of our prayers that we prayed regarding the retreat.
But of course not in ways that we were thinking cuz: As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than our ways, and His thought than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). He never ceases to amaze me. His plan is PERFECT.
If God is for us, who can be against us?
HALLELUJAH.

God has been guiding me so precisely lately. It's RIDICULOUS. He is so clear. I literally feel as though I'm seein His feet as He walks before me and I'm just following His footsteps right behind. He never gives a grocery list of stuff to do. It's just one thing at a time- gently, He shows the way.
PRAISE GOD.

God, thank you for your guidance. Thank you for leading me by still waters and making me lie down in green pastures. You are the God that saves. You are love. You are God of Gods, Lord of Lord, King of Kings. You are Emmanuel- God with us.

i.love.You.

There is much to journal regarding the events surrounding the retreat. I will update later if I don't get lazy.
God is so good.